Home is the cradle of virtue, the place where character is formed and habits are established. – Gordon B. Hinckley
I admit, my husband and I are advocates of “giving the rod” to children as part of disciplining them.
I know, there had been a lot of studies saying that spanking your children won’t help them at all. But, I believe otherwise. Because I stand on what the Bible says:
Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them. (Proverbs 13:24 NIV)
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away. (Proverbs 22:15 NIV)
Discipline cannot be divorced from the context of a strong, healthy love bond between a parent and a child.
I just finished giving the rod to Nyra, before I started this blog entry. I felt like the need to share my thoughts in implying discipline to our children. Because, as parents, we have a major role on what character that will be built on our children.
So, why give the rod? Why not just let them be and do what they want? Anyway, as they grow, they’ll eventually learn that what they’re doing is wrong?
Well, I don’t know with you, but for me, I just can’t let my daughter grow up without even knowing what is wrong and what is right. I can’t just let her pinch or hit her cousins just because of selfishness (not sharing toys with them). I just can’t let her give into impatience (not being able to get right away what she wants). I can’t let her disrespect me or anyone else. Why? Because I love her that much, that I just can’t let that happen. I want her to grow up with values. I know that she won’t be perfect, but I want her heart to be aligned with God’s heart.
So, will the rod make your children perfect, sinless, flawless?
Absolutely, not. But it will help our children realize that what they did is something that won’t be beneficial to them (given that it will cause them pain), something that would cause a consequence, something that is unacceptable.
A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother. (Proverbs 29:15 NIV)
So, does that mean we can give the rod anytime, anywhere?
Parents, we give the rod not because we’re angry. We must do it out of love and not out of frustration. That is why, it is but important to talk to your child after giving the rod. We must explain and make them understand why we did give them the rod. Because the goal here is not behavior transformation but a heart transformation.
Make sure to do it immediately, right after the wrong action. But where do we do it? What if we are not at home, like we’re in the mall? Now, parents, may you be at home or outside, do it in a private place. If at home, you can lock yourselves inside your room, where no yaya, or other people might see. If in the mall, one tip from our Pastor is, you can make use of the comfort room for the disabled or the parking lot (inside your car of course…hahaha). Of course, we need to also consider the pride or dignity of our child. We don’t want them to be embarassed in front of others, diba?
One more thing, do not hit them on any parts of their body. That’s a no-no. You can give them the rod on their butt or pwet only.
So, how soon can we give the rod to our children?
As early as possible. As soon as we see the rebellion in our children. That would be the perfect time for us to start. While we, parents still have greater control over them, because as they age, the lesser our control would be. (It will be very awkward, if you ‘ll start giving the rod to your 21-yr old son, won’t it?). You might say, but they’re too cute to be hurt. But admit it, no matter how adorable or cute they are, there will always be this sinful nature in them na hindi natin maintindihan kung saan nila natutunan.
Ika nga nila: habang maaga pa, putulin na ang sungay. 😁
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:11 NIV)
I am not a perfect parent as much as I am not a perfect wife. But here’s the logic why I’m doing what I’m doing:
The Lord disciplines those He loves. I love my daughter. So, I guess it is just right to discipline her to become a better person, right?