How’s your married life?
Do you still love your spouse?
Does it reflect in your lives?
How do you cultivate your relationship with each other?
Are you growing closer to or away from each other?
Here are but just a few of the questions you and your spouse should contemplate on a regular basis. Especially, nowadays, that there are so many things (left and right) that may dictate what and how our marriage should be. Sometimes, you can’t help but think, what really is the right way?
The answer is quite simple:
God instituted marriage. Therefore, He should be on the center of your marriage.
Marriage without God is a huge mistake. – Chinkee Tan
I am not a marriage expert, not even close to it. I am only married for almost four years, and up to now, my husband and I are still on the process of continous getting-to-know-each-other, away-bati moments and loving-hating-loving-again stage. We still got a long, long way to go. I think every married couples, whether just recently or even for a decade already, will always have that common sign: “a work-in-progress.”
There will never be a perfect couple, nor a perfect marriage. Same as, there will never be a storm-free marriage, only a storm-proof one. That is why, we, married couples, should never stop seeking constant teachings, mentoring, trainings and corrections.
1. Reject wrong beliefs.
2. Renew right thinking.
3. Replace (we must always be open for change)
You cannot fill the cup when it is already full.
Last Wednesday, 10-June, I attended a seminar held at Every Nation, Victory Fort called Happy Wife, Happy Life. The speakers were none other than the very well known Wealth & Life Coach, Chinkee Tan with his lovely wife, Nove Ann Tan.
For a minimal amount of 350PHP, I can say that I’ve learned a lot. Not to mention the free snacks and of course, the newly published book by Chinkee Tan and his wife, Happy Wife Happy Life.
On that session, was discussed:
The Top 3 Reasons Why Marriages Fail:
1. Lack of Communication
Communication plays a vital role in every relationship.
How do Men & Women think?
Men have a nothing box. Women have their everything box.
How do Men & Women handle stress?
Men don’t (wanna) talk about it. Women talk about it.
Men think one thing at a time. Women are like, “let’s talk about everything.”
Disclaimer: Husbands, when we, wives talk to you about our problems, or more of hinanaings in life, most of the time if not always, we just want to be heard and not be given solutions. We just want to feel that you are there, willing to listen to us and give us the sense of comfort and security.
Men and women are two different individual, raised with different families, background, character, hobbies, and so on and so forth. In short, magkaiba talaga.
Knowing your differences is important, because it will help us understand each other and teach us to respond accordingly to our spouse’s needs.
Our relationship with our spouse should be a lifestyle of embracing each other’s uniqueness. Never ever compare your spouse with others.
Just because your husband is not vocal about his relationship with God, unlike the Pastor husband of your Facebook friend, who’s very bold in declaring his faith, eh, you’ll rant and nag and go dramatic as if it’s the end of the world for you both. Yeah, I exaggerated that a bit. But, it’s kinda true for all wives, especially. It’s true for me and I’m speaking for myself here as well. That is one message that hit me the most. I tend to compare my husband with others. Instead of comparing, why not pray for your very own spouse and let God show you what’s good in him or her.
Husband and wife are there to compliment not compete with one another.
Your spouse should bring about the best in you, not the worst in you.
2. Lack of Intimacy
Intimacy is just a result of the quality of the relationship. It is not just lust. Intimacy is a gift from God.
Sex is good. God created sex to be good in the bounds of marriage.
I thank God for sex. My husband and I enjoy it a lot. Hahaha! Okay, I am married so I have all the right to say that. 😅 It is through sex, that married couples become one… united…shameless, fearless to express their love and devotion for each other.
Sex is for unity. It is for pleasure. Sex is for protection and safety.
So, how often should married couples engage to sex? (Note: I highlighted and made it in bold letters, married couples. So for all my readers who are still single, or in a relationship but not married, I would still recommend for you to preserve your purity.)
According to Chinkee Tan, studies say that 2-3 times a week is considered normal.
So if you and your husband only do it less than that, then, it’s time for you to start assessing and recalibrating. 😆
Chinkee Tan said, he was asked one time, “What if we do it more than three times a week?”
Answer: The more, the better. Hahaha!
Also, never use SEX as your weapon.
Just because your husband, failed to buy you your dream bag, you will deprive him of his primary need, sex. Hahaha! Wives, you know what I mean, no need to elaborate. 😊
3. Lack of money
The last but definitely not the least.
Married couples should have the Power of Agreement. We argue to agree.
Question: Who should handle the money?
Answer: Whoever is more gifted in handling the finances.
How: Pray. Discuss. Agree.
Learn how to list all your expenses. Prioritize all the necessities first. Save. Invest. And most importantly, give back to the Lord what is His’ by tithing.
So, let me go back to the first question on this entry: How is your married life? What stage are you in right now? Are you finding ways to strengthen your marriage? Or, are you on the renovation stage? Perhaps, some of you needs restoration already.
Whatever situation you may be in right now in your marriage, I pray for wisdom to make the right and wise decisions, peace, joy, guidance and leading from the Holy Spirit and the overflowing love from God. I pray, that you and your spouse enjoy the journey as you reach your destination.
Marriage isn’t about attaining perfection. The goal is CONSTANT PROGRESSION.